Courtney went to America

Well I am sitting here on 4th Street in Santa Monica at my brothers apartment packing for my return trip to London. This has been quite a whirlwind visit, in many ways, but I am totally ready to go back.

More precisely, I really really need to get out of here now. :)

I think I haven't been gone long enough to be comfortable coming back here yet. As I predicted, just driving around LA and seeing so many familiar things often made me feel unsettled and strange. I dont feel I belong here, yet its soooo familiar that my mind is confused. London feels a bit distant too....was the past 4 months a dream?

My trip started by flying into LA and then 4 hours later flying to Vegas for RollerCon. Vegas was fun, if a bit overwhelming. It was great to see the massive quantities of rollergirls all in one place...I actually got to meet way more people than I did last year. I also skated a lot. Did some on skates training, some Flamingo Banks scrimmaging, and most importantly played the Team World vs Team USA challenge bout on Fremont Street. And hey....we totally won! I was there for 5 days and was ready to get back to LA.

So then LA. Yeah....bit odd to say the least. On one hand it was good to see people and some of the old haunts, but at the same time there was that unsettled feeling.

And yeah, not going to lie, dealing with the boy that I left behind when I went to London was a big part of that. I don't need to go into details, because if you are close to me you are probably privy to it anyway. Regardless, there were some ups and downs, some fun, some sweetness, feelings both good and bad, but in the end I think there is a sense of transition to a comfortable and healthy place. That's probably how it should have been when I went to London in the first place, but it somehow didn't go that way, and that led to complicated emotions and actions. I feel all cryptic here, but I am torn between the two extremes of airing dirty laundry and sharing nothing beyond a surface level. Just trying to strike a privacy balance and still communicate my state of mind with some context in a blog.

Anyway, I think the trip has been a little cathartic and introspective for me. I guess that's never a bad thing, although not always chock full of fun. And dont get me wrong, I did have fun. Hung with the ACDG girls and a lot of other friends too. Beach bonfires, bar crawls, crazy shenanigans, beach skating, karaoke, shopping, movies, cuddles, Tequila Tuesday, Tiny's, 107, family time, derby practice on a full track, OnDemand TV, Ice Blended Mochas, sushi, driving fast, Old Navy, The Other Room with Ms D and Francisco, numerous quality times with Adam/Joetta/Shane/Scarlene/Bee/Dia/Vodka/Holly/Minnie that crazy gal...

And now it's back to London. Really glad that Francisco (that's wolfsblood to you MySpaz friends) is coming with me from LA. I think having a good friend visit from home will make the transition back a lot easier. Then right after he goes I have the first LRG bout, then the fam comes over for fun times on the continent.

So conclusion: not the easiest trip....not a vacation in the traditional sense....ups and downs....fun times too....ready to go back and continue my new journey. See ya at xmas. Hope its more chill then.